Lazy Friday

It's a lazy day today outside....it's been so sunny for the past couple months that when I got to Houston yesterday to visit the family's I (jokingly, of course) exclaimed, "Oh my gosh! I forgot what a cloud looked like!" But, it has been THAT long....and now I apparently brought the clouds back to the island with me!!! Ugh. I am grateful for the possibility of rain though....it's been SOOO long. It's rained once since I worked at Chili's.....so...in three 1/2 months. Yikes! However, the clouds have made it a dreary day and I can't even see the ocean from my window today. So, of course its making me in a lazy mood. Sitting inside in the too-bright-for-lights-but-too-dim-to-energize-me setting makes me think a lot.

I've been thinking about....

Time: how it flys by and that I'm almost 21! Good grief I know it's the age that every teenager can't wait to be at....but, it feels like just yesterday I was 6 years old playing T-Ball or trying to match shirts to be just like Daddy and help out on his jobsites. The thought of how fast all of that went by, I can only imagine how much faster the rest will go by.....scary.

Moving: In a little less than 3 weeks, I'll be moving to a nice roomy house, with a big backyard, and 2 streets from the water. After going through the mess of the hurricane a year and a half ago with our first house, it's taking a lot of guts to move back into one...especially that's not raised. But, what happens happens, and I know that it will be so much better and less cramped. But, its still scary.....we all know how much of a worry-wart I am.

Family: Cassandra is in the hospital for the next few weeks dealing with a really bad pressure sore...and although I know she's in great hands I still have that ping of worry that something bad could happen. Even though she's been here for a short-ish time, I've really gotten attached to her. She's my oldest-younger sister and although she and Laura are pretty close in age...she's a lot more mature and girly in a different kind of way than Laura. Cass can paint my fingernails, whereas I would be scared to put something with paint on it in Laura's hands!! haha. I can't talk makeup or clothes with La, but Cass knows a lot about that stuff and we'll go have a whole conversation on eyeshadows!!! It took a while for me to get connected with David and Elaine since I've been in college. But, Cass was a lot quicker and just like any of my other siblings it'd kill me if something bad happened.

Another family thing, that kind of rolls into time is my one thing that I have wished since Pope got diagnosed with Alzheimers back however long ago. I've prayed, wished on every star, kissed every lucky penny, etc. to achieve and now I'm getting scared I may be getting too late. I'm not one to claim favorites .... but he and I have always been closer than my other grandpa or step-grandpa. I mean, this man is the reason that my NAME is what it is. I would not be Francie without him. I would not know how to Texas 2-step. I would not be as motivated intellectually as I am. I would not know how to go for walks and truly see everything around me and gain an inner peace through that walking. I would not know how to go snipe hunting...haha. He taught me how to do different swimming strokes. He posed an example of being a good Christian. I remember even when I was really, really little and he would take me and Freida (their dog at the time) to the back fence to feed cows and they were pushed down the trail from one pasture to the other. Other times, I would beg and beg to go for a walk in the forest (I don't know if it really was a forest or if thats just what it was in my 3ish-year old mind) and see the giant "Christmas tree". Or when we were swimming he would lift me up really high so that I would be tall enough to grab a fresh pear off of the pear tree. I could go on, and on forever with all of the memories.

My wish though is that he has been here by me through everything in life. My only wish is that before he forgets me that he can see me get married. It scares me that I may be running out of time. There is no average timetable for the stages of Alzheimers...it's just a game of wait and see. So, for all I know he could wake up tomorrow and not know me and that thought is terrifying. Now, I am not using this as a reason to "settle" or jump the gun with a guy. I just happened to meet this amazing guy, and kind of the same story of my parents.....I hated him for the first few months of school and then got to know him and fell harrrddddd. We've been together for 2 1/2 years. He's been talking about proposing sometime this summer. On depressing days like this, when I'm laying in bed in PJ's at 4 o' clock because its too dull outside to do anything that fear comes crawling up to the surface. Maybe writing about it will help. Who knows.

Anyway, that is my prayer and for my amazing Mome (grandmother) to still be healthy and wonderful as well....cause I still need to beat her at some point in Scrabble.... haha. They are definitely the role model & examples for that wedding vow "for better or for worse". I know where I get my inner strength from in the family for sure.

But, I don't want to go off on a tangent again and make this post ridiculously long. So, I'm going to go attempt to get out of bed and go to the library or something. Then, to the grocery store....I'm making Beef Carnitas, Rice and Refried beans for dinner. Should be yummy.

While its cooking I think I'll go for a run to clear my head. Anywho...peace love and pray the sunshine comes back!